Alan Jackson

NOTHING

Nothing in my woman's head
didn't worry about that
Took her into C and A's
and brought her a great big purple woolly hat.

 

LOSS

A tulip fell deid
bi ma doorstep the day
dark rid the colour o blood
Wis the only yin come up this year
A imagine it fell wi a thud

 

'THIS WIFIE'

This wifie wi a shoppin basket,
A goes up tae her an says
Hey wifie, see there's the wild Pentlands
Just behind ye.

She drapped it.

 

YOUNG POLITICIAN

What a lovely, lovely moon.
And it's in the constituency too.

 

PERFECT

when a christian hits the ground
he splits in two

one half is rotten
and so's the other

 

THE MORAL CODE

if the hair of thy neighbour offend thee
pluck it out

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz

VOGON POETRY
(described in the Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy as the third worst in the Universe)

Oh freddled gruntbuggly! Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchite in a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee my foonting turlingdromes,
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindle werdles,
For otherwise I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with
My blurglecruncheon see if I don't.

Bleem miserable venchit! Bleem forever mestinglish asunder frapt!
Fripping lyshus wimbgunts, awhilst moongrovenly kormzibs.
Gashee morphousite, thou expungiest quoopisk!
Gerond withoutitude form into formless bloit, why not then? Moose!!

ON IRONY

Oh blobit of dribble
Oozing from the upturned corner of my mouth
You look to me,
Like you should be,
The thing that dropeth from the cloud
A tiny bit of thee is stuck upon my lip
A little more is stuck up my nose
Some has adhered to my hip
My eyes are open and glassy
My snot is thick and green
And from my ears,
Something obscene appears,
And I think it might be me.

 

Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings
37 Wasp Villas
Greenbridge
Essex GB1 01LL

1. POETRY (WORST IN THE UNIVERSE)
(as described in the Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy)

The dead swan lay in the stagnant pool.
They lay, they rotted, they turned
around occasionally.
Bits of flesh dropped off them from
time to time:
And sank into the pool's mire.
They also smelt a great deal.

Roger Jones

FOR BETSY

everything was only
pictures on a screen until
you came along

        -clipclop
        -cliplop

a fork to my spoon

 

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